summer days -- joelle zigman

Feels like forever I've been
Tripping over sidewalks
I've lost all former ability
To form complete sentences

But it's only been two months
I'll be totally gone by the time we're done
I've lost all former ability
To control what comes out of my mouth

It's not easy
This is not easy

'Cause you're something different
But I can't be relieved
Every time you leave me
It's like I've fallen asleep

Yes I'm somewhat desperate
But I'm hoping that's ok
'Cause summer days are longer for wondering
Where you are and what you're doing and if I should call you now or wait half an hour and if I do call you now what do I say if you pick up?
And they're too much time to wait

I can't focus on anything else
I want more time to spend with you
I've lost all former ability
To control what comes out of my mouth

It's not easy
This is not easy

'Cause you're something different
But I can't be relieved
Every time you leave me
It's like I've fallen asleep

Yes I'm somewhat desperate
But I'm hoping that's ok
'Cause summer days are longer for wondering
If maybe I should send you a message saying how much I miss you because that would be romantic, but on the other hand it's kind of pathetic, but I am kind of pathetic, so I'll probably do it anyway
And that's too much time to wait


----------------------------

completely unrelated: new poem up.

blah blah work blah blah sleep blah blah engaged blah blah sparks blah blah food blah blah fighting with mom blah blah blah blah blah.

So... forget the last entry. Vestiges of teenaged angsty goodness remain.


By the way? UPS sucks. Sirius Satellite Radio sucks.

in light of the fact that i have no urge to write, and when i have even a shimmer of an urge, i can’t commit a word to paper or screen: i quit on writing.


it’s not like creative writing has any real place in my life, anyway. it’s not gonna help me at work, college is a non-possibility, and i don’t have artsy friends anymore. i don’t have friends anymore, for the most part. so i don’t have to have some talent like everyone else has.


here’s a list of things i’m not quitting, though: my job. smoking. marcus. drinking. eating junk food. wasting hours on the computer. swearing. excessive eyeliner use. being annoying. being cryptic.

you should talk to me because i can't help but miss how things never were. can't help being nostalgic for the moment that is currently happening. and if you don't understand what i'm saying then you're obviously too stupid to live.


anyway. i'm not perfect. i'm not even good. i'm shitty at pretty much everything i do, i'm always broke no matter how much i work, i never have time for anything, and when i do i'm tired and cranky and usually a bitch.


but i love people, i genuinely do. i love stories. i love momentum and nonsense and irrationality. in short, i'm obsessed with the human condition. with the fact that we all want what we don't have and we hate what we want and miss what we had. with the fact that i am scarily human. or perhaps the opposite, if i can observe this.


fuck, mang.